You Can Get Yourself Clean, You Can Have A Good Meal
Current ranking in ‘funny pool website’ listings: 3rd (down 2)
Current favourite lower league team: Div 3’s The Craufurd Arms (Boom Boom Boom, let me hear you say Denno)
Current number of recurring jokes that can’t be used: 1 (Rottweiler stuff probably off limits at the mo)
Current GAY ranking (Div 1 only): 4th
Yes, you read that correctly, we have a GAY ranking. Let me explain. We have gay icon Meece in our ranks, plus Punter Hunters Mark and Zared. OK, they’re all straight as you like, but that’s why we’re not ranked 1. Above us in the rankings are The Originals – queer as you like – and The Victori-Us – more mince than Graham Norton’s local butchers. Who else could be higher than us? Step forward this weeks opponents… The Village People.
Now as far as imaginative team names go, we have to take our hard-hat off to them. It was with trepidation that we awaited the crew formerly known as R-Social Team to the shack. Visions of Stan arriving with leather cap to accompany his Merv Hughes/70’s porn star moustache struck fear into the heart of the team. We were more concerned for the regular RAFA crowd for whom the ‘Bugger’ causes a raised eyebrow, shocked faces and a rattled swear-box. What would occur if bare chests were to be on display surrounded by PVC. It didn’t bear thinking about.
They didn’t turn up in costume, but you do know what’s about to occur here don’t you? You’re prepared for it? Good…
Young man, there's no need to feel down.
I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground.
I said, young man, RAFA Stingers are in town
There's no need to be unhappy.
Young man, there's a place you can go.
Down the RAFA, we’ll make you our hoes.
You can stay here, and I'm sure you will find
That we spank you everytime.
It's fun to dish up at the R A F A
It's fun to dish up at the R A F A
They have everything for young men to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the boys (and Kerry)
Now that’s out the way we can get down to the serious business of a match report. That’s right – serious business – the laughs stop here. Or at least they nearly did for Dog who missed a few pots too many but saw his opponent fail with a slam down the rail shot that all Rafaites avoid like a Jody break 1-0. Jamie must have subconsciously had ‘Jody Break’ in his head as he does a Jody break and leaves a table of rich pickings that are richly picked. 1-1. Jody doesn’t do a Jody break. In fact he takes so much pace off in an attempt to keep whitey from leaving the stratosphere that it resembles Jan Molby. In his Swansea City playing days. That’s a lot of pace to take off. And so we have a fudgey frame which the boy blunder (Boy? He’s 31 on Friday – Ed) eventually takes control of and dishes with near perfect cue ball position. OK, he was about 6 foot out on every shot, but they all went in. 2-1. Zared, oh Zared. Under the cosh from the off with the worse set he settles in for a session of “Make it difficult”. And difficult it is. Several hours later the tactical turn-around occurs and Zared blasts them out in the open with the first of two shots. Only to miss one in a clearance. But this missing business is catching and a missed black allows Zared back in for the kill. 3-1.
When I was at the doctors the other week he advised me that my blood pressure was bit too high. As a result I’m not allowed to watch any Mark frames for a month. However I cheated and had a quick peak as he was mopping up a simple finish although the lack of opponents balls on the table indicated that it hadn’t all been plain sailing. Thanks Doc, you probably just saved my life. 4-1. Andy is near deaths door with a horrendous bout of man flu – for which the Dogster got the blame (I sneezed last week). Luckily Mrs Andy lets him out to play. Unluckily a split shot in his clearance doesn’t yield a subsequent pot and we’ll skip the other chances he got. 4-2. Dog plays his best game of the season so far. No really, it was pretty darn good. Man of the match clearance material if I do say so myself. 5-2. Meece is chomping at the bit to bag the glory frame and despite miscounting and thinking Dog had already claimed it, he puts 2 pointeroonies on the Stinger total by, err, winning. 6-2. It gets a bit vague around here. Food, Beer, General chit-chat with the local luminaries, More Beer, Stuff, Things. Mark makes it 7-2 – I still wasn’t allowed to look. Zared takes it to 8-2 – must have been good as he was named player of the match. Andy plays the last and we storm to a convincing 9…. Err 8-3 win. More importantly than the win was the monumental moment in frame 11 when Mark refereed a frame. Stick that in your diary and say ‘I Was There’.
Next item for said diary is next week – our regular trip to Scotland to play The Cricketers ‘A’. You just KNOW that we’ll have some material for that one. Hang on a sec, The Cricketers.. hmmmmmm…. New Stinger GAY Ranking = 5th (down 1 place).
Current favourite lower league team: Div 3’s The Craufurd Arms (Boom Boom Boom, let me hear you say Denno)
Current number of recurring jokes that can’t be used: 1 (Rottweiler stuff probably off limits at the mo)
Current GAY ranking (Div 1 only): 4th
Yes, you read that correctly, we have a GAY ranking. Let me explain. We have gay icon Meece in our ranks, plus Punter Hunters Mark and Zared. OK, they’re all straight as you like, but that’s why we’re not ranked 1. Above us in the rankings are The Originals – queer as you like – and The Victori-Us – more mince than Graham Norton’s local butchers. Who else could be higher than us? Step forward this weeks opponents… The Village People.
Now as far as imaginative team names go, we have to take our hard-hat off to them. It was with trepidation that we awaited the crew formerly known as R-Social Team to the shack. Visions of Stan arriving with leather cap to accompany his Merv Hughes/70’s porn star moustache struck fear into the heart of the team. We were more concerned for the regular RAFA crowd for whom the ‘Bugger’ causes a raised eyebrow, shocked faces and a rattled swear-box. What would occur if bare chests were to be on display surrounded by PVC. It didn’t bear thinking about.
They didn’t turn up in costume, but you do know what’s about to occur here don’t you? You’re prepared for it? Good…
Young man, there's no need to feel down.
I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground.
I said, young man, RAFA Stingers are in town
There's no need to be unhappy.
Young man, there's a place you can go.
Down the RAFA, we’ll make you our hoes.
You can stay here, and I'm sure you will find
That we spank you everytime.
It's fun to dish up at the R A F A
It's fun to dish up at the R A F A
They have everything for young men to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the boys (and Kerry)
Now that’s out the way we can get down to the serious business of a match report. That’s right – serious business – the laughs stop here. Or at least they nearly did for Dog who missed a few pots too many but saw his opponent fail with a slam down the rail shot that all Rafaites avoid like a Jody break 1-0. Jamie must have subconsciously had ‘Jody Break’ in his head as he does a Jody break and leaves a table of rich pickings that are richly picked. 1-1. Jody doesn’t do a Jody break. In fact he takes so much pace off in an attempt to keep whitey from leaving the stratosphere that it resembles Jan Molby. In his Swansea City playing days. That’s a lot of pace to take off. And so we have a fudgey frame which the boy blunder (Boy? He’s 31 on Friday – Ed) eventually takes control of and dishes with near perfect cue ball position. OK, he was about 6 foot out on every shot, but they all went in. 2-1. Zared, oh Zared. Under the cosh from the off with the worse set he settles in for a session of “Make it difficult”. And difficult it is. Several hours later the tactical turn-around occurs and Zared blasts them out in the open with the first of two shots. Only to miss one in a clearance. But this missing business is catching and a missed black allows Zared back in for the kill. 3-1.
When I was at the doctors the other week he advised me that my blood pressure was bit too high. As a result I’m not allowed to watch any Mark frames for a month. However I cheated and had a quick peak as he was mopping up a simple finish although the lack of opponents balls on the table indicated that it hadn’t all been plain sailing. Thanks Doc, you probably just saved my life. 4-1. Andy is near deaths door with a horrendous bout of man flu – for which the Dogster got the blame (I sneezed last week). Luckily Mrs Andy lets him out to play. Unluckily a split shot in his clearance doesn’t yield a subsequent pot and we’ll skip the other chances he got. 4-2. Dog plays his best game of the season so far. No really, it was pretty darn good. Man of the match clearance material if I do say so myself. 5-2. Meece is chomping at the bit to bag the glory frame and despite miscounting and thinking Dog had already claimed it, he puts 2 pointeroonies on the Stinger total by, err, winning. 6-2. It gets a bit vague around here. Food, Beer, General chit-chat with the local luminaries, More Beer, Stuff, Things. Mark makes it 7-2 – I still wasn’t allowed to look. Zared takes it to 8-2 – must have been good as he was named player of the match. Andy plays the last and we storm to a convincing 9…. Err 8-3 win. More importantly than the win was the monumental moment in frame 11 when Mark refereed a frame. Stick that in your diary and say ‘I Was There’.
Next item for said diary is next week – our regular trip to Scotland to play The Cricketers ‘A’. You just KNOW that we’ll have some material for that one. Hang on a sec, The Cricketers.. hmmmmmm…. New Stinger GAY Ranking = 5th (down 1 place).
posted by The Dog at 3:40 AM
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