The Highland Fling

Top o’ the morning to ya. “Where’s those silly coloured bits at the top gone?” I hear you ask. Cant be bothered this week. Our Gay ranking hasn’t changed. In fact if anything it’s gone down because we’re the straightest lot in the league, even with Marks current pretty-boy hairstyle. Our ranking in the funny pool website listings is unchanged too due to there being a lack of funny pool websites out there which is a relief really otherwise we’d be falling off the bottom on recent form. Finally, we don’t have a new favourite lower league team. We still lurve the Craufurd Ex-Hive boys. Looking at the rankings though there are some right good names plying their trade in the cities pubs. We’re nominating The Clocktowers ‘Kam Ho’ as ‘Interestingly Named Player Of The Week’. He is also nominated in two further categories: ‘Player Who Most Sounds Like A Korean Dictator’ and ‘Things Jody Says When He’s Pissed’.

So where were your favourite blogerites engaging in battle of ash and ebony this week then? We were up the Cricketers and hoping to use some of our favourite phrases. “Unlucky guys, 9-2 doesn’t tell the real story”, “I thought it was much closer than the score suggests” and “’AVE SOME OF THAT YOU BASTARDS”. We were missing The ChapDog for the first time in about a year and with Kerry Stinger darning Jamies socks, it meant just five of us in attendance.

Dog was first up and was awarded a roll in finish. 1-0. Big Jamie’s only shot in his frame decided it would be as straight as Dean Bolton. The nasty roll off cost him. 1-1. The slack trousered one wasn’t actually in attendance as he’s being a bit belligerent about putting his hand in his pocket for some outstanding reg fees. Zared and his opponent’s balls were also being a bit stubborn in the ‘falling in holes’ stakes. The Cricks won the ‘falling over the line’ stakes though. 1-2. Jody keeps up his 100% record for the season to level (2-2) but Mark cocks up a clearance to lose his unblemished record. 2-3. Mini-crisis time as Jamie takes control of his frame but goes in-off what was essentially the frame winning shot. 2-4. The Magic Hedgehog works his stuff in the next to bring it back to 3-4. Enjoying his night on the lash sooooo much, Dog decides to prolong the evening with a 7 hours tactical marathon which eventually levels the scores at 4-4. Zared’s none too happy with this as he has to be up for work in about 30 minutes. In fact I think he’s still asleep as frame 9 slips away. 4-5. Ooops. Jody is to be our saviour and stands waiting for the miss as Andy Carter dishes from the break…. And misses his last ball. Having missed to a middle, Jody is a bit miffed to see it end up over a corner bag, but gets two shots eventually and clears with one. 5-5. Dilemma time. Pissed but on-form lucky skip Dog or sober but always lucky boy Mark. Hmmmmm. Mark it was. He uses his visits wisely and takes control, eventually going for it and without the slightest hint of a fluke, he dishes. 6-5 and unlucky guys, it was must closer than the scoreline suggests, sorry I mean ‘AVE SOME OF THAT YOU BASTARDS!

So a win and a boring match report. It could have been entertaining had the oaf of a manager been delayed in his quest to shut the pub as soon as possible. He was getting twitchy as it was – I think he wanted to get an early night ahead of his personality transplant. Of course it would have been FAR FAR more entertaining had Dean Bolton been there (warms tonsils….):-

The whole pub comes from the Isle of Skye
And they all know me boxers are white
Me keks are round me ankles Aye!
“Deano, Where’s Your Trousers?”

Let the wind blow high as me keks hang low
I don’t own a belt you know!
All the pool teams have a go
“Deano, Where’s Your Trousers?”

All our trousers hold up fine
So why can we see your Calvin Kleines?
Its not just once, its ALL THE TIME
Deano, pull up your trousers